butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
