just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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