So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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