i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
