$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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