Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you made out with another girl for some wings
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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