Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
