tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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