the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
