woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
