i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
