we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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