how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
