And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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