how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
