I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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