i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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