Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
