brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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