Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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