I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
