Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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