Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
