remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
