You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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