things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize