4 words: hood of his car
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
FUCK WHALES
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
