I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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