Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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