Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
