How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
