It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
