My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
