These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
