Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize