I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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