I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
