hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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