I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
