Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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