I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
