Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
