He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
