have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
