Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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