so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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