Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
