I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
