I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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