hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
