Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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