I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
