And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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