I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
