can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
