i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
