I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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