I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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