literally had 100 drinks last night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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