Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
