I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
