Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
