I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
