Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
